What If
by AkaHimitsu
Summary: What if situations of different KHR characters...
1. What if Tsuna was a pet store owner?

**What If…**

Tsuna was a pet store owner?

"H-hello! Welcome to Nat-su pet store. How may I help you?" said Tsuna.

"Oh, hello! Umm…I heard that your store has many qualities such as pet grooming, pet kennels, pet hotels…is it really true?" asked the customer.

"Y-yes."

"Well then, I would like to drop off my pet Chihuahua to your pet hotel. I'll be back from vacation in two weeks. Please take care of my darling~!" said the customer.

*Trembling* "S-sure."

"Thank you!" Then the customer smiled, turned and left the store.

_What do I do? … It's going to be okay Tsuna, calm down. Not all Chihuahuas are bad…right?_ "L-let's see what your name is." Tsuna checked the collar tag: **Killer**. *Gulp* *Nervous laughter* "Nice doggy…?"

_**Outside the store…**_

*Ripping sounds* *Barking* *High-pitched, girly scream*

Passerby: _What's going on in there?_


	2. What if Gokudera was a substitute?

**What If…**

Gokudera was a substitute kindergarten teacher?

"Good morning class!" said Gokudera.

Class: "Good morning sensei!"

"Today your regular teacher is absent, so I will be your substitute teacher. Class, my name is Gokudera Hayato, nice to meet you."

Class: "Hello Gokudera sensei!"

"Okay class, today we will be learning about the Pythagorean Theorem. Open to textbook page 59." Gokudera opened his own textbook and looked for the page.

Student #1: "Uh sensei, we don't have textbooks…"

Student #2: "Yea sensei. We're in kindergarten. And…what's the Pythagorean thing?"

Student #3: "Aren't we supposed to read The Cat in the Hat today sensei?"

Student #2: "Are you in the wrong class sensei?"

"No, I am not in the wrong class. Also, the Pythagorean Theorem is a method used to identify a side of a right triangle. The formula used would be: a2+b2=c2. This is quite a simple formula. What do they teach kids these days!" Gokudera said with a scowl.

Student #1: "But sensei, we're only in kinder-"

"Nonetheless, kids should learn these things at an early age so they can be successful in life. Now, since you kids don't have any textbooks, I'll call up a student to read a paragraph aloud to the class. Hmmm…you there! Come up and read a passage!" Gokudera pointed to a kid sitting in the back.

Student #4: "Y-yes, but…" The student sighed and just went to the front of the class and stood in front of the textbook.

Gokudera pointed to a passage in the textbook and said, "Read here, nice and clear."

Student #4: "…."

"What's the hold up?"

Student #4: "S-sorry! Um…but…"

"Well? What is it? Spit it out!"

Student #4: "Um…I can't read much…most of us can't…"

*Sweatdrop* "Oh…is that so…" mumbled Gokudera.

Class: (Thinking) _Fail…_


	3. What if Yamamoto was a baseball coach?

**What If…**

Yamamoto was a baseball coach?

It was a sunny day at Namimori, and two people seemed to have gathered at the Namimori Middle School's baseball field.

"Hey Tsuna!" said Yamamoto.

"Oh, hi Yamamoto-san!" replied Tsuna.

"Nice day for baseball isn't it? Today I'll be coaching you in baseball! By the time we're done, you'll be a pro!" Yamamoto gave Tsuna a smile.

"That's great Yamamoto-san!" (Imagining that he won a baseball game and Kyoko comes up to his and gives him a hug)

"Nice! Let's begin!"

**Pitching.**

"Okay Tsuna, when you pitch, you have to position yourself on the mound, balance your lower body, lift up one of your legs, and THROW." Yamamoto positioned himself and threw the baseball. The baseball hit the target bull's eye at a blinding speed.

"Wow! That's amazing Yamamoto-san!"

"Thanks Tsuna! Now, when you throw the baseball you should hear a vroosh as it flies and a thwack-bam when it hit the target. If you hear something like a ping, or a plop, or a plink, or a ting, or a splat, your form is wrong."

"Eh?" _What kind of explanation was that?_

"Now you try it!"

Tsuna stepped onto the pitching mound, positioned himself (poorly), closed his eyes, and threw. After Tsuna threw the ball he opened his eyes. "How did I do Yamamoto-san?" Tsuna looked around. _Huh? Where's the ball?_

"That was a good throw Tsuna, good job! Just remember to keep your eyes open when you pitch. Other than that, that was a pretty close shot!"

_**Where the baseball landed…**_

Ten feet to the right of the target was the baseball.

*Sweatdrop* _Found it…Are you sure that it was a close shot Yamamoto-san?_

After 27 tries…Fail…

**Batting.**

"Okay Tsuna, let's go to batting now. When you're up batting, remember to keep your eye on the ball." Yamamoto walked over to the batting machine, turned it on, and walked back. The pitching machine whirred to life and threw a baseball at Yamamoto. Yamamoto hits a homerun.

Tsuna: *Impressed*

"Also, when you bat, you'll hear a wh-iin-g sound, and then a woosh, and that's when you hit the ball with a clank! If you hit the ball wrong, you'll hear a tang-ish-ping sound." Yamamoto gave Tsuna a smile. "Now you know how to bat!"

"Yamamoto-san, I have a quest-"

"Let's start!"

Tsuna: *Sigh*

_**During batting practice…**_

The pitching machine whirred and pitched a ball at Tsuna. Tsuna freezes up and the ball flies by.

"Strike!" said Yamamoto.

Tsuna's 2nd try: Tsuna swings the bat ten seconds after the ball passes by.

"Strike!" said Yamamoto again.

Tsuna's 3rd try: Tsuna ducks when the ball comes because "keeping his eye on the ball" intimidated him.

"Batter out!" called out Yamamoto.

Tsuna: *Sigh*

"Don't worry Tsuna. We'll keep practicing. After all, practice makes perfect!"

80 tries later…No Progress…

"Why is batting so difficult?" wailed Tsuna.

*Confused* "It shouldn't be too hard. My dad taught me how to bat this way. Hmmm…and the pitching machine was only pitching 100mph…"

"ONLY A 100MPH?" _What kind of childhood do you have Yamamoto-san?_

"Um, Yamamoto-san, you know I'm only a beginner right? Isn't a 100mph a bit too extreme?" questioned Tsuna.

"Huh? But this is how my dad taught me how to bat…"

Tsuna: *Face-plant*


	4. What if Ryohei was a model?

**What If…**

Ryohei was a model?

One night, in a huge auditorium a fashion show was ongoing… TV stations, news reporters, and people filled the place.

Fashion Show Announcer: "…And now, our next male model, Sasagawa Ryohei!"

*Cheering*

Ryohei appeared in front of the runway and music starts playing. Smoke and fire shoot up from the sides of the runway.

*Cheering*

Ryohei then begins to walk down the runway. "EXTREME MODELING!" yelled Ryohei. Ryohei began strutting. "STRUTTING TO THE EXTREME!" yelled Ryohei once more. Ryohei got to the end of the runway and posed for the crowd. "EXTREME POSING!"… Ryohei fist pumps. "MY OUTFIT IS FASHIONABLE TO THE EXTREME!" shouted Ryohei. The last comment echoed throughout the whole auditorium.

**Sawada Residence.**

Tsuna was flipping through the TV channels when he sees Ryohei. Tsuna's eye widens, chokes on his drink, spits it out, and coughs violently. "WHAT THE HECK?"


	5. What if Mukuro was a psychologist?

**What If…**

Mukuro was a psychologist?

It was an ordinary day at Mukuro's psychologist office. In a big, bright, spacious room were two people: Mukuro the psychologist and a patient.

"Hello patient, what is your name?" asked Mukuro with his usual smile.

"Uh…umm…Kenshou," replied the patient nervously.

"Kufufufufu…Well Kenshou, from the data I have received, you seem to have Hemophobia, fear of blood…how interesting…"

The patient's face paled. "Y-yes, but I'd prefer if you didn't say b-b-blood," squeaked Kenshou, shivering.

"Blood, blood, blood…Kufufufufu," said Mukuro.

"Ah stop! Aren't you suppose to be _helping_ me?" cried Kenshou.

"Kufufufufu. I am helping you. Conquering your fear is the best way to cure a phobia. I don't believe in taking deep breaths or drinking a glass of water."

"B-b-but!"

"Let's begin…Kufufufufu."

All of a sudden, thick ropes came out of Kenshou's reclining chair, wrapped around his body, and tied him down.

"What the-! What's going on?" asked Kenshou, in a state of panic.

The room strangely got smaller and darker, and Mukuro disappeared.

"Someone SAVE ME!" cried out Kenshou.

Then out of nowhere, a girl in a white dress appeared and walked up to Kenshou.

"Oh thank goodness! Little girl, can you help me?

"Kufufufufu," replied the girl.

"Huh?"

The girl was then sliced in half and beheaded. Blood came spouting out of her head and body.

Kenshou squealed in high pitched scream, "Eeeeiiii!"

More people came walking up to Kenshou, and the same thing happened to them. Soon the room was filled with dead bodies and blood. The stench of blood rose to Kenshou's nose, and he gagged. Kenshou, by then, was breathing hard and hyperventilating. As more time passed by, the blood in the room rose. After ten minutes, it was up to Kenshou's neck.

"HELP ME! HELP! HELP! HELP!" wailed Kenshou.

Kenshou desperately tried to escape, but was tied down to the reclining chair. Blood rose to Kenshou's lips. The coppery taste of blood sickened Kenshou. The blood rose higher and higher…Kenshou was so frightened and traumatized that he fainted.

A few minutes after Kenshou fainted, the room turned back to normal. The blood disappeared, the bodies were gone, the room was bright again, and it was quite spacious.

"Kufufufufu, that went well. It's a pity that humans are so weak…Ken, Chikusa. We have another unconscious one. Drag him out of here."

"Another one-byon? Man, humans are so helpless to illusions Mukuro-sama."

"Kufufufufu…"

_**A few months later…**_

"Mukuro-sama," said Chikusa, "we have complaints from Kenshou's household."

"Oh?"

"It seems that Kenshou has acquired some new phobias Mukuro-sama."

**Kenshou's Data Form**

Name: Kai Kenshou

Phobias:

Hemophobia (Fear of blood)

Therapistophobia (Fear of psychologists)

Necrophobia (Fear of the dead or dead corpses)

Claustrophobia (Fear of tight spaces)

Linonophobia (Fear of ropes)

Cathisophobia (Fear of sitting)

Mukurophobia (Fear of Mukuro)


	6. What if Hibari was a martial artist?

**What If…**

Hibari was a Martial Artist?

It was a sunny, Saturday afternoon at the Sawada residence with a couple of isolated clouds in the sky. Tsuna was doing his usual routine when Reborn jumped in, or more correctly, jumped _on_ him. "Ow!" cried Tsuna.

"Tsuna," said Reborn, who was on top of Tsuna's head, "we're going to the Musashi's dojo today. Hurry up and get dressed, we're leaving in 3 minutes."

"Oi Reborn! Wait?-What! But why are we going there? I have things to do and-"

Reborn loaded his gun and pointed it at Tsuna. "One minute passed. You have about 2 minutes left Tsuna."

"B-but!"

"If you're not done dressing in 2 minutes, I'm coming up there and shooting you out of your room, clothes or no clothes."

"Eeeii!" squealed Tsuna, and dashed up the stairs to his room and came back down dressed in record time.

"Good," said Reborn smiling, "let's go, your guardians are waiting for you at the dojo." *eye glint*

_That's never a good sign..._

_At the dojo._

Most of Tsuna's guardians were sitting in the seats around the dojo. The dojo was big and spacious, and had seats on either side. The seats were full of guests and spectators for the tournament. "Jyudaime!" shouted Gokudera, waving.

"Yo Tsuna!" said Yamamoto with a smile.

"Oi Sawada," said Ryohei, pumped.

"Boss," said Chrome, quietly.

"H-hi guys," said Tsuna as he took a seat in between Yamamoto and Gokudera.

The spectators and Tsuna's guardians chatted lively with each other. When the owner of the dojo got up and stood in the middle of the dojo, everyone settled down.

"Thank you everyone, for coming to the championship tournament!" said the dojo owner. "Today's tournament will decide the winner of the honorable position of "Dojo Master". The two opponents are: Ishou Musashi (on the left) and Hibari Kyoya (on the right)."

The guardians sitting on the sides of the dojo exclaimed in astonishment, while Tsuna relatively choked on air. Reborn just smiled. Hibari, who was on the mat across from Ishou, looked to his right and saw the guardians.

"It seems that the herbivores have gathered together...and that infant is here too. I dislike crowding, but I'll make this an exception," said Hibari, and turned back to his opponent.

"Hey you!" said Ishou to Hibari in an arrogant voice, "where's your uniform?"

"I don't have a uniform. They are insignificant," replied Hibari.

"Hmph," grunted Ishou, "well, be prepared to be destroyed Kyoya!"

Hibari got into a defensive pose and smiled. "I'll bite you to death."

"Let the match begin!" shouted the dojo owner.

Ishou rushed at Hibari at full speed and lifted his fists for an uppercut. Hibari gracefully dodged the attack and slipped out his tonfas. Hibari ran back at Ishou and slammed him with his tonfas. Ishou fell to the floor.

"Whoa, whoa wait a minute!" said the referee, "You're not allowed to use weapons sir! Martial art is the art of using your body to attack and defend. Weapons are not allowed!"

Hibari glared at the referee with his sharp gaze, and the referee shrunk back in fear. "I don't take orders from herbivores like you," said Hibari coolly, "My tonfas are a mere extension of my arm. And now, I'll bite you to death." Hibari ran at the referee and knock him out unconscious.

Ishou, who was on the floor, was enraged. He turned to his companions and said, "Get him!"

Ishou's companions got up and started to run towards Hibari. Seeing this Hibari stood on guard and attacked. He swiftly attacked his opponents with ease, and didn't get so much of a bruise on himself. Soon, all of Ishou's companions were on the floor in a pile. Hibari glanced around and spotted a random guy by the seats.

"You herbivore there," Hibari said, "come over here."

The man walked up to Hibari startled. "Y-y-yes?"

"Clean up the garbage that's on the floor so I don't have to step on it," said Hibari, poking at the pile of unconscious bodies on the ground with his foot.

"Y-yes sir."

Ishou was beyond enraged now. With an angry shout, he ran at Hibari to attack. This time Ishou was more careful with his opponent. Hibari, spotting this change, emitted purple flames from his tonfas and gave a smile. They sparred for a while, until a person came running in and said, "STOP!" Both opponents ignored the guy, and Hibari just knocked him unconscious.

***Back at the seats, Tsuna and his guardians were panicking. "What should we do?" squealed Tsuna.

"Should I knock him unconscious, Jyudaime?" asked Gokudera.

"N-no-"

"Oiii! Sawada, I'll have a manly one on one boxing match with him then!" yelled Ryohei, pumped (still).

"Umm…Onii-san, I don't think-"

"Why don't we try talking to him nicely?" said Yamamoto with a smile (like always).

"Shut up you baseball freak!" said Gokudera, glaring at Yamamoto.

"Now, now, calm down~" said Yamamoto.

(Tsuna) *sigh*

"Oi! Everyone, listen up," said Reborn, "We are all leaving Hibari alone and leaving…this is his fight after all." *smile*

(Tsuna) _phew…_

"But of course," continued Reborn, "the Vongola boss will take of the matters here, so let's all leave him alone."

"A-ah, but!"

"You can do it Jyudaime!" said Gokudera.

(Tsuna) *nervous sweatdrop* _I have a bad feeling…_

***Back at the center of the dojo, Hibari had just defeated Ishou with his tonfas. Many people seeing this, tried to run all at once to overpower Hibari and bring him down. Hibari's tonfas soon glowed brighter with the cloud flame. It became a full out battle. Somewhere within the brawl, someone shouted, "Call the police!"

_That won't work…(thought Tsuna)_

"Someone, call his parents!" someone else shouted out.

_I don't even know if he has parents._

"Call animal control!" a desperate voice yelled.

"No! Call the SWAT team!" another person said.

_This doesn't look so good…_

Soon everyone was beaten up by Hibari except for Tsuna. "You're up next herbivore," said Hibari smoothly.

"Eeii, what did I do?" cried out Tsuna.

Hibari began charging at him.

"Forget about his mom, the police, the SWAT team, or animal control..SOMEBODY CALL HIBARI-CONTROL!"

_And the day ended at a pleasant note…_


	7. What if Lambo was a technician?

**What If…**

Lambo was a technician?

_**Saturday, January 07, 2012, 10:04pm**_

Tsuna was on his computer typing his 3 page essay, when all of a sudden, a virus took over his computer. His computer froze and didn't really work at all. "Eiiii! What should I do? My essay is due on Monday, and I'm not even done yet! What if the file got erased and I have to start it all over again, and…and…" Tsuna was hyperventilating by this point.

*Kicks Tsuna in the head* "You really are Dame-Tsuna aren't you. Stop acting so pathetic, and just call a technician tomorrow…" *Reborn falls asleep*

"Yeah! Good idea Reborn! I can call a technician tomorrow and I -" Tsuna stopped mid-sentence as he saw Reborn lift up his pistol at him.

"Tsuna, I'm trying to sleep, so don't make so much noise…or else I'll shoot you down so that you won't make ANY noise," Reborn threatened, and went back to sleep.

Tsuna gulped. _Eh…maybe I should go to sleep now too…_

_**The next day…**_

Tsuna woke up to a bright and beautiful morning. He changed, went downstairs, and ate breakfast. By 9:48am, Tsuna was deciding to call a technician. _Ah…I need to call a technician, but I don't have any company's number…plus I don't know how much it would cost…_ Tsuna struggled with this thought for a while, until he realized that Shoichi-kun was a technician. Tsuna brightened and called Shoichi on the phone.

Shoichi: "Hello?"

Tsuna: "Shoichi-kun! Thank goodness you're there! Umm…I have a favor to ask you."

Tsuna explained the situation to Shoichi. When Tsuna finished, Shoichi apologetically answered, "Sorry Tsuna-kun. I can't come today…but maybe Spanner can! He's a technician too."

Tsuna: "Mmm…okay Shoichi-kun, I'll try calling Spanner-san." Tsuna hung up and dialed Spanner's number this time.

Spanner: "Hello?"

Tsuna: "Ah, Spanner-san! I have a favor to ask…"

Spanner: "Hmm…what is it Vongola?"

Tsuna explained the situation to Spanner.

Spanner: "I guess I can come. I'll be there around…4:27pm…Is that a problem?"

Tsuna: "N-no. That's great Spanner-san. I'll be waiting for you."

Tsuna hung up and sighed in relief.

_**Sunday, January 8, 2012, 4:27pm**_

The doorbell rang to the Sawada residence. "Ah! That must be Spanner-san!" exclaimed Tsuna. _And right on time too…literally._ Tsuna ran downstairs and opened the door.

"Vongola," said Spanner when Tsuna opened the door.

"Hi Spanner-san," replied Tsuna.

Tsuna and Spanner proceeded to Tsuna's room. When they got there, Spanner checked Tsuna's computer and connected it to his.

"Hmm..." said Spanner while scanning the screen, "this is a simple task for me to do. Your computer should be fine in by the time I'm done."

"T-that's great news Spanner-san!"

Spanner started to work on his computer to get rid of Tsuna's virus. Twenty minutes later, Spanner said, "Vongola, I should be almost finished by now. I just need to -" Then Spanner went into a detailed description on computers, viruses, etc. "Just wait ten more minutes for the virus to be completely cleared out. In the mean while, I'll be in the bathroom." Spanner stood up and exited Tsuna's room. Tsuna was completely relaxed and stress-free now.

"Yahoo!" screeched Lambo as he entered Tsuna's room.

"Argh! Lambo!" said Tsuna.

"Lambo-san will help Dame-Tsuna with his problems~!" yelled Lambo.

"Go away Lambo," said Tsuna, slightly annoyed.

"Arara~ Lambo-san knows that Dame-Tsuna needs his help." Lambo lifted a piece of paper from his hair that had scribbles on it and said, "See! This is Lambo-san's certificate as a technician!"

_That is obviously not real…_ *sweatdrop*

"Yay! Lambo-san can help!" screeched Lambo before Tsuna could answer or protest.

Lambo ran to Tsuna and Spanner's computer and started pressing random buttons. "Arara~ This button is glowing pretty-pretty! (The CAPS LOCK button) This one is a tiny one…oooh! This one is so long!" Then Lambo started clicking stuff on Tsuna and Spanner's screen with the mouse, without reading (not that he can) what the pop-ups said. Before Tsuna had the chance to protest or grab Lambo away from the two computers, Tsuna's computer was messed up again. "Eiii!" Tsuna screeched in distress.

It was then that Spanner entered the room. Spanner blinked at the sight of Tsuna in distress, Lambo innocently picking his nose, and the weird things that were on the computer.

"What happened here Vongola?" Spanner asked in a monotone voice.

"Eii! Lambo…buttons…computer…ruin…" Tsuna moaned pathetically.

Spanner just calmly walked over to the computers, pressed some keys and clicked the mouse a couple of times and said, "It's good."

Tsuna looked up at Spanner and blinked. "Really?"

Spanner nodded and replied, "Your computer is working perfectly fine now. You haven't lost any files either."

Tsuna grinned and said, "Thank you Spanner-san!"

Spanner nodded in response and then said, "I'll be going then Vongola. I'll see you some time."

Tsuna bid Spanner goodbye at the door. Meanwhile in Tsuna's room…

Lambo was on Tsuna's computer again. He clicked some stuff on the mouse. "Wow! There's a lot of black stuff on this screen!" Lambo gleefully kept pressing and clicking. Then a message popped up on the screen: **Delete the file Tsuna_English_?** Lambo, being unable to read, stared uncomprehendingly at the screen. At that moment, the door to Tsuna's room opened and Tsuna entered. "Phew! Good thing Spanner-san fixed my computer. My English essay wasn't erased, which is a good thing. Now I can…" Tsuna saw the message on the computer screen and froze. Lambo moved the mouse to the "pretty button" that was on the screen which said: **Yes**. Tsuna unfroze and exclaimed, "NO!" But it was too late, Lambo had erased his English essay file. And the beautiful day ended…

_Outside of the house… "EIIIIIIII!"_


	8. What if Chrome was an actress?

**What If…**

Chrome was an actress?

It was a beautiful day at Namimori. Chrome was at the Namimori studio to film a movie with her starring as the main actress. As the crew finished applying makeup on Chrome, she got up and changed into the proper attire for the movie set.

As Chrome walked out of the dressing room wearing a plain yet, pretty white dress, she greeted the movie director.

"Ah, you're finally here Chrome-san!" said the movie director. He turned to the movie recording crew and told them to get ready. He turned back to Chrome and said, "This is a love scene, please remember to make it beautiful and dramatic~!"

Chrome silently nodded in reply. Chrome then walked to the sakura tree, which was where the scene would be shot. The main actor (her "boyfriend") was Toshiyuki Soyura. He was a guy around 18 years old. He had strikingly blood red hair that was tipped with black highlights, and coal black eyes. His face was sharp and angular while his body was lean and slightly muscular.

"Okay, get ready," said the director, "and…action!"

Toshiyuki took hold of Chrome's hands and clasped them in his. His facial expression got soft as he said his lines: _Yura-chan, I love you from the depth of my heart. Wouldn't you reconsider leaving this place? Please stay with me forever…_

Then Chrome said her lines in a small, quiet voice: _Yoshiro-san, I cannot stay. Though my heart aches…._

"Cut!" shouted the director. He turned his head and looked directly at Chrome. "Chrome-san, you must speak louder. The mics can catch sound very well, but you still have to speak louder. This is a beautiful and dramatic scene Chrome-san, please make it so…"

"Yes director," answered Chrome. _Director wishes this scene to be dramatic…I shall bid his wishes…_

The scene started again, and Toshiyuki repeated his lines again: _Yura-chan, I love you-_. Toshiyuki was cut off by what he felt and saw. The ground was splitting and fire was springing from all directions. The sky turned black, and the sakura petals were blood red as they fluttered to the ground. All around was chaos and panic. The crew was running around, the director was shouting, and Toshiyuki was turning very pale. Then everything stopped.

"What the hell was THAT?" said the director in a very shaky voice.

Chrome turned to the director and said, "I had made this scene dramatic as you wish director. Are you pleased?"

"N-n-n-o…" The director moaned and fainted from the shock.

Chrome did not understand what had happened. People all around her started shouting and criticizing her. Chrome got very uncomfortable and felt very upset. Mist started to swirl all around her and then… Mukuro appeared.

"Kufufufu, my, my, what has-"said Mukuro, but stopped mid-sentence after noticing that he was in a white dress. Mukuro glared at the crew and the actors.

_**Outside the studio…**_

"Ahhh! Help me -"

"Don't slice -"

*cell phone* "Hello? Police! A freakishly-indigo-blue-haired-PINEAPPLE FAIRY with one red eye and one blue eye has-"*smack…thud…*


	9. What if Xanxus was a garbage man?

**What If…**

Xanxus was a garbage man?

It was the crack of dawn in the town of Namimori. In the Namimori Community Sanitation Company (NCSC), Xanxus was sleeping on the couch that was in the manager's office.

Around 5:00am, someone knocked on the manager's door. Xanxus, who was still on the couch, did not stir. The person on the other side of the door came in and murmured, "Pardon…"

Xanxus was still asleep.

"Uhh…Xanxus-sama," said the man, who was the former manager (he was…_forced_ out of that position), "It's time to wake up for our daily routine…" Xanxus did not move at all. The former manager sighed, took out an air horn, put on some ear-muffs, and blew the horn.

_**BLEEEEEEEPPPP!**_

Xanxus bolted up, glared, and yelled, "SHADDUP!" at the noise. He snatched the air horn out of the former manager's hands, and blew it up using his flames of wrath. Then Xanxus lied back down and was about to go back to sleep when-

"Sir, you need to wake up! It's time to go out and collect the community's garbage," the former manager desperately said.

Xanxus opened his eyes and glowered. "Why the hell should I go out and pick up the community's crap when I can sleep. It's frickin 5:10am."

"But sir-"

_**30 minutes of argument and violence later…**_

_Phew…_ thought the former manager, _I finally got Xanxus-sama on the garbage truck with minor injuries. Everyone should be okay…except for the 40 men who got beat up…_ The former manager looked into the rear view mirror to check out Xanxus' progress in collecting trash from the neighbors. _He seems to be doing fine…_

When the garbage truck arrived at the Sawada's residence, the former manager saw a short, scrawny kid walk down the driveway with trash bags.

_Outside the garbage truck…_

Tsuna was lugging the trash bags towards the curb when he saw the garbage truck arrive. "Eh, sorry… I brought the trash out now, here-"Tsuna stopped mid-sentence as he saw a pair of red eyes glaring at him. Tsuna gulped and whimpered, "Xanxus…"

Xanxus sneered and said, "Trash."

"Huh?" Tsuna said, stupefied. He looked at the garbage bags he held in his hands and handed them to Xanxus.

Xanxus, still glaring, threw the garbage bags into the rear of the truck. He turned back, picked up Tsuna, and tossed _him_ into the truck.

"Eiii! What are you doing?-"started Tsuna, but was cut off by the sight of Xanxus' guns.

"Shaddup," said Xanxus, sinisterly.

From the front of the truck, the former manager opened the truck's door and came rushing towards Xanxus and Tsuna.

"Xanxus-sama, what are you doing!"

"I'm collecting all the trash," Xanxus replied with his usual glare.

"You just threw a _kid_ into the rear of the truck!"

"He's trash," answered Xanxus, growing impatient.

"He's a living, breathing human being!"

"Neither of you will be living nor breathing if you piss me off," growled Xanxus as he pointed his guns at each person.

Former manager: "…"

Tsuna: *gulp*

Xanxus lowered his guns. "Anyways, I don't see any difference between this trash," Xanxus said pointing to the smelly trash bags, "and _this_ trash (points at Tsuna)."

Tsuna and the former manager were both scared.

Xanxus then pointed his finger at the former manager, who flinched, and said, "Let's hurry up and finish this damn job."

The former manager nodded and went back to the driver's seat. Tsuna just stayed put.

_After cleaning up all the "trash"…_

Before: **Namimori population 9035**

After: **Namimori population 1**


	10. What if Lussuria was Rin's father?

**A.N. Sorry peoplz for not updating quick enough...^-^; Anyways, this story contains one of my friend's OC named Rin. Yes, I got full permission from my friend to use her character for this story... If you want to know more about Rin, then go onto my friend's profile (Shopaholic 3547) and click on the story that says: Aspettatetiva and yay! ...Queen-chan (Shopaholic 3547) I'm like sending you my pplz to see your story if they want so you better be thankful -.-. Ok, let's see how well I played out your character!**

* * *

><p><strong>What If…<strong>

Lussuria was Rin's father?

It was a bright, sunny Saturday in Italy. On top of a green rolling hill was a majestic castle that belonged to an oh-so-happy family. The birds were chirping and the flowers were in full bloom-…No people this is _not_ how the story goes. Ok, yes, it _was_ a Saturday morning in Italy, and there _was_ a castle on top of a green rolling hill. But the part about the bright, sunny weather, the fairy-tale background, and the oh-so-happy family is _so not true_. Right now, there is probably someone _dying_ in that castle, and that oh-so-happy family was the Varia _Assassination_ Squad. Oh yes, the weather wasn't that great too, but screw the weather for now. Let's see what's happening in the castle.

* * *

><p>"LUSSURIA, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY ROOM?" Rin screamed.<p>

Lussuria came out of the kitchen and innocently asked, "What do you mean Rin-Honey?"

"You know what I'm talking about! You just pinked/pinkified my room, and I DON'T like my room pink…and don't attach the word "honey" to my name!"

Lussuria just pouted and said, "Well Rin-Dear, starting tomorrow you'll be attending school. I'm going to be your parent/father/guardian and you'll get to experience a normal life! A normal girl should act and look like a normal girl, hence the room. If you want to invite some friends over, that'd be great too!"

Rin just gave Lussuria the WTF look and retorted, "That's _not_ going to work. First of all, since when does a Varia member attend school? A member of an assassination squad _does not_ need to go to school. Secondly, my life will _never_ be normal after meeting you psychos. Who _wouldn't_ be scarred for life after meeting a psycho boss-dude, a disgusting looking old geezer with a mustache, a long, white haired guy that waves a sword around like it's a fairy wand, a flying baby, a delusional fake-prince, and gay he/she that looks like a frickin peacock! Thirdly, _I'm not normal girl_. My room, clothes, books, etc. DO NOT need to be pink. Fourthly, no _person_ would want to be in here. I would almost _never_ bring a person in here, _especially_ not my friend. Lastly, _don't attach any weird things to the end of my name or else I will kill you. It'll be a slow one too._" Rin ended the last sentence with a hiss.

Lussuria gave a bigger pout and said, "But the whole Varia agreed to this Rin!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>FLASHBACK<strong>_

_**Lussuria:**__ "Thank you all for gathering here. Of course Rin isn't here but this talk is especially for her!"_

_**Xanxus:**__ "This better be important or else I will fuckin shoot you and end your miserable life."_

_**Belphegor:**__ "Ushishishi…"_

_**Mammon:**__ "This talk of yours better not consist of me using up my money."_

_**Levi:**__ *Being Levi*_

_**Squalo:**__ "VOOOOI! Shut up! Let's just get over this!"_

_**Lussuria:**__ "Well everyone, this meeting is about our Rin going to school!" *Looks around in excitement*_

_**Everyone:**__ *Gives Lussuria the WTF look…excluding Xanxus, since he ALWAYS has a WTF look on his face*_

_**Lussuria:**__ "Well, this is a good chance for Rin to have a proper learning experience! Rin won't be at the castle for most of the day, it won't cost Mammon any money (since Lussuria will pay for everything), and the castle will be fine…"_

_Everyone is convinced by now, mostly because of the line: "Rin won't be in the castle for most of the day…" and for Mammon, the words: "…won't cost Mammon any money…"_

_**END OF FLASHBACK**_

* * *

><p>Rin gave Lussuria the <em>you've got to be kidding me<em> look and said, "Of course they would do that."

Lussuria just shrugged and happily said, "Let's prepare you for school!"

Rin thought what school would be like with Lussuria as her father. _Would it be THAT bad?_

_*Imagines parent/teacher conference day…imagines picture day…imagines getting picked up/dropped off to school…imagines-*_

_Oh my God…no WAY am I going through that._ "NO."

"But Rin-chan, I am your father. Your father says you have to go!"

Rin glowered and retorted, "You are NOT my father and you aren't Darth Vader either, so NO, I won't go."

"Aww, but-"

* * *

><p><strong>Outside of the Varia castle…<strong>

*Screaming, yelling, violence….etc.*

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><p><strong>Review please!<strong>


	11. What if Fran was a play director?

**A.N. Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't updated for a while, but I've just been kinda busy these days... Yea I'm really sorry. But I made the next chapter for Fran so I hope you enjoy~**

* * *

><p><strong>What If…<strong>

Fran was a play director?

**The Namimori Theater**

"Ok everyone, get into your positions," Fran said, speaking into the microphone. "Bel-sempai, you're a bit too far to the right, can you move more to the left?"

Bel (A.K.A. Belphegor/ Prince the Ripper) gave a _tch_ and shifted unwillingly to the left. On the stage stood Belphegor, as well as some other people, who looked very much annoyed. The said people on the stage were the Varia as well as Mukuro and his gang.

"Bel-sempai, you need to move more to the left, you're not close enough to the rest of the stage crew," Fran stated in a monotone voice.

Bel looked up at Fran with a slight frown on his face. "The peasant doesn't order the prince around you brat. Anyways, who would want to move closer to Levi-san."

Levi looked over at Bel and said, "What do you mean by that!"

"Levi-san, anyone can see that you're a creepy old man who doesn't quite fit into the Varia. Of course, you would be lucky enough to have normal people think that you're just an old pedophile who likes to cosplay," Fran answered emotionlessly.

"WHAT!" Levi furiously shouted, "I am the most loyal person to the boss and no one else can replace such role…" And Levi went on talking as everyone else ignored him as well as his presence.

"Bel-sempai, you still haven't moved more to the left yet," Fran once again said.

"Shut up," Bel said as he threw a set of knives at Fran.

*Impact on Fran's frog hat* "Ah, Bel-sempai, that wasn't very nice."

"Ushishishi," Bel laughed.

"VOOOOOIII! JUST MOVE TO THE FUCKING LEFT!" Squalo yelled, ear-splittingly. "THE FASTER WE GET THIS DAMN THING DONE, THE FASTER I CAN LEAVE THIS FUCKING PLACE!"

"Hmph," Bel muttered as he shifted more to the left.

"Sempai, you're too far to the left now, move a bit to the right again."

Bel: *vein* *moves to the right*

"Oh, that's good Bel-sempai," Fran approved emotionlessly.

"VOOOOOIII! HURRY UP!" Squalo impatiently shouted once more.

"Squalo-taichou, can you please use your inside voice? You're going to break all the glass in here. I'm pretty sure in kindergarten you learned about using an inside voice _inside_," Fran said.

"VOOOI! THE ONLY REASON I EVEN ALLOW THIS IS BECAUSE THE BOSS PERMITTED YOU TO DO THIS, BUT IF YOU EVER CROSS THE LINE I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU ON THE SPOT!"

"Gulp. Scary, taichou," Fran said in a monotone voice.

"Oh, when are we going to dress up and get started? We need to have good looks if we're to film this play~" Lussuria said.

"Ah, I'll do that." Fran then conjured an illusion of outfits on the cast members. "Ah good…so here, these are the rolls: Bel-sempai is the fallen prince who got kicked out of his own homeland.

Bel: *vein*

Levi-san is the never-noticed loser that no one cares about.

Levi: WHAT?

Lussuria-san is the gay pedophile.

Lussuria: "Oh?"

Squalo-taichou is the female actress who looks very aged but isn't. As this character, Squalo-taicho is expected to be able to sing in soprano.

Squalo: "VOOOII! WHAT!"

Mammon is the very creepy, stingy tax collecting baby who seemed to have lived over hundreds of years.

Mammon: "…."

Xanxus-sama is the…where is the boss?

"He said that he 'didn't want to go to the fucking play' and that he was tired. He said that if anyone woke him up from his nap, he would kill them…" Mammon stated.

Ah, anyways…Shishou (Mukuro), you will be the pineapple fairy in this play…

Mukuro: *twitch* *murderous intent*

Ken-san will be the pet dog and the baka.

Ken: "Oi! What—"

And Chikusa-san will be the street performer."

Chikusa: *no emotion*

"Any questions, comments, concerns, complaints?" Fran questioned emotionlessly.

An uproar of voices yelled many objections to the rolls they were given.

"Ah good, there seems to be no problem," Fran said, "Let's get started."

* * *

><p><em><strong>After 15 minutes of violence and threats…<strong>_

"The first scene will be starring Squalo-taichou, shishou, and Ken-san," Fran stated. All over his frog hat were knives, holes, and slash marks. "Squalo-taichou, you'll be tippy-toeing through the flower garden on a rainy day while singing: "Rain drops are falling on my head…"

"VOOOOIII! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!" Squalo angrily shouted, "NO FUCKING WAY WILL I BE DOING THAT!"

"That's not very lady-like taichou," Fran said. "Oh yes, I almost forgot, I have to give you a different outfit. You look very depressing in that clothing, not to mention goth." Fran casted an illusion and immediately, Squalo was in a pink and white dress that had frills on top and flowed nicely on the bottom. In his hand was a pink umbrella as well as his now-decorated sword.

"VOOOII!"

"As Squalo-taichou tippy-toes through the flower garden, Ken the dog will come up to him and…" Fran scanned his play sheet. "…and he will be struck down."

"What! Why do I get killed first, byon!" Ken indignantly huffed.

"Because you're not needed for any other parts in this play…you're useless," Fran answered emotionlessly.

"Oi!" Ken shouted.

"If it makes you feel better, you can just think of yourself as the fifth wheel," Lussuria said.

"Huh? What's the fifth wheel?" Ken questioned.

"Ushishishi, it means you're useless and not needed…an extra…" Bel smirked.

Ken: *fuming*

"Anyways, after Ken the dog is struck down, shishou will come floating in with his pineapple fairy costume…"

*Trident thrown into Fran's hat* *Mukuro comes at Fran but is held back by Ken and Chikusa* "Shishou, it's a bad habit to throw things at people," Fran emotionlessly said, "If you keep doing that, people will begin to dislike you and maybe even throw you out of their country like Bel-sempai."

"Oi you—"Bel said. He then jumped of the stage and kicked Fran off his high chair.

"Kero!" Fran said as he hit the floor. Then standing back up, Fran said, "Action!"

The scene somewhat unnaturally started.

"Slowly sprinkle some water over Squalo-taichou, Bel-sempai," Fran directed.

*Whole tank of water dumped*

"VOOIII! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR!" Squalo yelled.

"Cut," Fran said through his microphone. "Bel-sempai, didn't you hear me say '_slowly sprinkle some water over Squalo-taichou_'?"

"Ushishishi, I did. But the prince's arm was getting tired of holding the tank of water and dumping the whole thing was much easier. Couldn't the brat-peasant just say that there was a _heavy downpour of rain_?"

"No," Fran answered. "But your timing was good sempai so, good job" *thumb up*

"VOOOIII! WHAT DO YOU MEAN _GOOD JOB_!"

"Ah you see taichou…"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Outside…<strong>_

Violent sounds were heard as well as explosions, screaming, yelling, metal-screeches, sempai's, shishou's, and kero's…

* * *

><p><strong>So how was it? Please give me your thoughts, complaints or any other...comments through your reviews! Thank you for reading! Review plz? .<strong>


	12. What if Squalo was a judge?

**A.N.**** Hey peoplez I'm back! Yeah, I'm very sorry not updating in like ages. I really mean it when I say that I was busy, but it's also true that I've been a lazy-butt, so sorry~! I'm like in Miami for vacation and I did all my Homework so that I could spend my time on fanfiction and vacation happily! So yea...enjoy~~!**

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><p><strong>What If…<strong>

Squalo was a judge?

"Order, all rise," said the man beside the judge's seat as Squalo came in.

One person in the courtroom was slightly slow on standing up, but he eventually did. Unfortunately, for this person though, Judge Squalo noticed his lateness.

"VOOOOIII!" Squalo yelled at this poor soul. Everyone in the courtroom cringed at the sound of Judge Squalo's voice. Every single person knew that Judge Squalo was widely known for his loud voice and terrible temper. "VOOII pipsqueak, why are you so fucking slow in getting your ass off the chair!"

This poor soul got deathly pale and only gulped. *Whiz* *Impact* Everybody turned to see that there was a very long, sharp knife sticking out of the poor soul's chair. The knife must've whizzed between the person's legs… *Person faints*

The people in the courtroom glanced at the unconscious body and all slowly sat back down. Judge Squalo got to his seat and sat down as well.

"VOOOII! Someone clean up that body and put it somewhere else!" Judge Squalo shouted to no one in particular. One man sitting in the crowd stood up, took the body, and shoved it in a closet.

Judge Squalo nodded in approval and said, "Let this fucking case begin!"

The defendant and the accuser, both still standing, readied themselves. "Your Honor," the prosecutor began, "If I may, I would like to start this case off."

Squalo glared at the prosecutor and said, "Make it quick."

So then began the case about a car accident. The defendant's lawyer defended his client, while the accuser's prosecutor pointed out what the defendant had done to _his_ client's car.

"…As you can see from the CCTV camera tape, it was obviously their fault for crashing into my client's car," said the prosecutor.

"But your Honor," the lawyer began, "That can't be proven valid since the other party has been driving towards my clients car at that time too."

"That is not true," the accuser said with irritation.

"How can you prove that?" the defendant shot back.

"The CCTV camera tape of course," the accuser scoffed.

"Sight alone cannot make things valid," the defendant firmly replied.

"Who says—"

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIII! SHUT UP YOU SORRY EXCUSES OF A LIVING BEING!" Squalo the Judge yelled in annoyance. Immediately, everyone became silent. Turning towards the accuser and the prosecutor, Squalo said, "I don't give a fucking damn about evidence and cameras. For all I care, they could be smashed to pieces. This case is plain bullshit! Who gives a damn about a car!" Turning to the defendant and the lawyer he said, "And you weaklings need a life! If you crashed into the other person's car or they crashed into you, get out of your car and give them a good beating! That way, things are finished quicker!"

The courtroom was completely silent due to the shock of these words. Hitting the table with his sword, Squalo yelled, "Case dismissed!"

"But who won the case?" the accuser questioned.

Squalo turned a glaring eye to this person and said, "I don't give a damn. Either get out of my sight or die."

The accuser picked getting out of the Judge's sight. And with that, the case was somewhat solved.

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><p><strong>So, how was this chapter? This is the only chapter so far that had so many...profanities...yea...REVIEW PLEASE!~<strong>

**I know I don't deserve reviews but yea please? OwO**


	13. What if Levi was a ghost?

**A.N.**** Hello Peoplez! This is my 2nd update for this story today. Just think of it as a way of me saying sorry to you peoples for not update fast enough~ Hope you enjoy this very-short, not-so-chapter-like chapter!**

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><p><strong>What If…<strong>

Levi was a ghost?

No one would notice Levi if he was a ghost.

Levi has like no presence.

Levi is boring.

His boss doesn't give a shit about him even though Levi is creepily obsessed with his boss to the point of disgust.

Levi looks like a pedophile.

Levi is old-looking.

Levi is Levi who is boring.

End of story.

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><p><strong>Hehehe~ End of chapter. This is one of the shortest chapters I've ever wrote so far...Review and tell me how you think it was~!<strong>

**Oh, and just incase there are any Levi fans out there, if I offended you because you like this character, I'm sorry...but Levi _is_ really boring to me...**


	14. What if Belphegor was a princess?

**A.N.**** Hello readers! I'm not late uploading this time! (Woo, party!...no?) Anyways, this chapter is about Bel. Yay! I kinda wrote this chapter longer than usually would've, but I hope it's good~! Enjoy!**

**P.S. Don't forget to read the A.N. at the bottom...it's kinda longer today but yea ^-^;**

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><p><strong>What If…<strong>

Belphegor was a princess?

"Oi Fran!" Bel said in an annoyed tone, "Tell me again why we're doing this." The two Varia members, Bel and Fran, were in the backseat of a slim, black car that was headed towards England. The driver in the front seat was ignoring the two people in the backseat to the best of his ability.

"Ah Sempai~" Fran monotonely whined (if that's even possible), "I already went over this back at the Varia HQ."

"Too bad brat," Bel slightly sneered, "I'm the prince, so tell me again!"

"Princess," Fran corrected. _*THWACK, THWACK, THWACK* _came the sound of three knives that had found its target, the target being Fran's frog hat. "Ow, that hurts Sempai," Fran said.

The driver up front did not react. Earlier during the ride, when the driver had not known the two Varia's abilities, he had stopped the car in the middle of the highway to do a first-aid check up on Fran. The driver still remembered frantically slapping Fran's face to make sure he was still alive. When he had found out that Fran was still alive and well with knives puncturing his skull, he was…well…freaked out. After a repeat of this knife-throwing act, the driver had gotten used to it. Up front, the driver sighed in remembrance of this memory. These were _not_ normal people.

"So Sempai, this is how it went…" Fran monotonely said, going into story mode. "Once upon a time there was a pitiful, rejected prince named Bel-sempai…" _*THWACK, THWACK, THWACK*_ "Bel-sempai~ you're interrupting my story telling."

"Tell me the details properly peasant," Bel said. "Go on."

"Once upon a time there was a pitiful, rejected prince named Bel-sempai…" _*THWACK, THWACK, THWACK*_ "Ow."

"Ushishishi…" Bel snickered.

This time, Fran just pulled out the knives from his hat and threw it out the window muttering, "Stupid thing, stupid thing, stupid thing." Then Fran continued. "…Bel-sempai had joined the Varia after everyone from his country kicked him out; therefore, he was now a fallen prince. One day, approximately a week ago, a letter came into the Varia's mail box addressed to Bel-sempai. The letter came from the queen of England about some urgent news. The news was this: The princess of England was very ill due to some sickness. Unfortunately, there was going to be a big upcoming event that the princess needed to attend to. In order to prevent the public from knowing her sickness and the paparazzi from coming after her, she needed a person to discreetly double as her and attend the event. The English secret service and the people working for the queen all went out to find anyone who had similar appearances as the princess…and Bel-sempai was the one. So the English are now currently waiting for the fallen prince, who now has a second chance to make good use of his life." _*THWACK, THWACK, THWACK*_ "The end." Turning to Bel, Fran monotonely said, "Bel-sempai got lucky to be able to become the pretty, little princess of England."

Bel frowned.

Just as Bel was about to throw some more knives at Fran, the driver up front told them that they had arrived to their destination. The two Varia members then got out of the car and looked at the sight in front of them. Standing tall and proud was the castle of the royal family of England. It was just as big as (and maybe even bigger than) the Varia's castle. Bel and Fran then walked to the doors of the castle and entered. The interior of the castle was just as grand as the exterior. Right as they stepped inside, a grand chandelier could be seen hanging above and an even grander staircase stood in front of them.

"Hello Mr. Belphegor, Mr. Fran, welcome to the royal castle. My name is Helen and I will be your instructor and guide during your stay here," said the brunette haired woman named Helen.

"Ushishishishi…" Bel said.

"….." Fran stayed silent.

*Sweatdrop*

"Ok…um please follow me," Helen said. Helen gave the two people a tour around the castle and showed them their rooms, etc. Finally, when the tour had finished, Helen stopped the two Varia members. "Now, since we can't have any unwanted guests to know the reason why you're here, we are going to the well guarded, underground facility where your training will take place."

Bel frowned in confusion at the word 'training' and took out his knives.

"Not that kind of training," Helen quickly said. While leading the two Varia members downstairs, Helen explained what they would be doing that day. "Today we will be teaching you, Mr. Belphegor, how to be a princess. You will learn how to walk properly in any shoes or apparel, the proper eating etiquette, how to greet important people, how to give good speeches, and so on. Now please come this way." The three people entered an enormous room that connected to many other rooms. "This is where I will train you." Glancing at Fran, she added, "Extra guest may watch the lesson from the side."

"Ushishishishi…No way am I doing this peasant," Bel said.

"The term we use now in the twenty-first century is commoners…not even. I will be treated as your equal, not as a 'peasant'," Helen said.

"Ushishishishi, I'm getting out of here," Bel said, turning around.

"I'm afraid you can't do that," Helen replied. "We are underground and all exits are heavily guarded. You _will_ stay here."

"Ushishishishi, then I'll blast out of here using my storm flame." Bel prepared to take out his box weapon.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Helen warned. "These walls were specially made to resist such attacks from flames, and if you did manage to get out, you would have to pay the damage fees."

"Ushishishishi, then I'll just kill everyone," Bel said.

"Do not underestimate me Mr. Belphegor," Helen said, eyes momentarily flashing. Lifting up her right hand, she lit her ring with a lightning flame. "Not only am I in service of her royal Highness and the English secret service, I also have a connection with the mafia. I suggest you do not test me."

"Ushishishishi…I'm from the Varia Assassination Squad peasant. I _can_ kill you."

"True, but you also have to stay here due to your bosses orders don't you?" Helen said.

Bel frowned. "How do you know that peasant?"

"Score one for Helen-san," Fran cut in. "Helen-san: 1 / Bel-sempai: 0."

"Shut up you frog brat," Bel said to Fran. Then turning to Helen, Bel asked, "How did you know that my boss gave me those orders?"

Cutting off her flame, Helen answered, "Because I video recorded it." Taking out the disc containing the video, Helen found a nearby TV in another room and turned it on for the two Varia members to see.

* * *

><p><strong>*VIDEO*<strong>

_Fran:__ "Ah, Bel-sempai, you've got mail."_

_Bel:__ "What is it?"_

_Fran:__ "It's from the queen of England…it says this: (reads content)"_

_Bel:__ "No way am I doing that."_

_Mammon:__ *Floats into room* "Mmm I heard what the letter said. If you attend this, then you'll be paid grandly for it…"_

_Bel:__ "I'm not going peasant."_

_Mammon:__ "You still owe me money."_

_Bel:__ "Ushishishishi…no peasant." *Throws knives*_

_Mammon:__ *Dodges*_

_Squalo:__ *Enters room and knives cross his path* "VOOIII! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR!"_

_Bel:__ "Ushishishishi…"_

_Fran:__ "Ah! The long-haired Squalo-taichou came."_

_Lussuria:__ *Appears behind Squalo* "Oh, did I hear that you'll be able to dress grandly as a princess Bel-honey?"_

_Bel:__ *Ignores Lussuria*_

_Lussuria:__ "How lovely~!"_

_Bel:__ "No."_

_*Argument arises, knives are thrown, swords are swung, etc.*_

_Xanxus:__ *Enters room pissed* "SHUT UP YOU PIECES OF TRASH!"_

_*Silence*_

_Xanxus:__ "Just go to England. Get out of my sight and stay the fuck quiet so I can sleep."_

_Bel:__ "But boss—"_

_Xanxus:__ *Aims guns and shoots*_

_*Everyone ducks*_

_Xanxus:__ "Don't question me you fucking trash."_

***END OF VIDEO***

* * *

><p>"Ushishishishi…"<p>

"Don't worry Mr. Belphegor, I removed the camera afterwards. As you can see, you have no choice but to stay here," Helen said.

"Yay for Bel-sempai," Fran said in a monotone voice. "Time for How to be a Princess 101." _*THWACK, THWACK, THWACK*_ "Ow, that hurts Sempai…"

Raising an eyebrow, Helen didn't question anything. Instead, she took out a clipboard and crossed something out and wrote something else in its place. "I see that I can take out self-defense lessons from my teaching list and add _self-constraining_ to it instead."

And so the lessons began.

* * *

><p><span>Walking Lessons<span>

Bel learns to walk in high heels, flats, sneakers, etc. He also learns how to walk in all sorts of clothing including dresses, skirts, shorts, etc. EPIC FAILURE for the first few hours.

"Bel-sempai, you're not walking straight or naturally," Fran commented. "It looks like you have sand down your pants while you're failing at taking the drunk driving test." _*THWACK, THWACK, THWACK*_

"Shut up peasant."

* * *

><p><span>Appearances<span>

"As we all can see, Mr. Belphegor is not a lady," Helen said. "Therefore we have to give him a makeover so that his appearance matches to Princess Bella's."

Bel gets a makeover. The results are…different. Bel now has long, extended golden curls with bangs that are less messy. He is wearing an elegant, red dress and he also has high heels on. On his head was a tiara and he wore elbow-high gloves.

Helen brought up a picture of Princess Bella and showed it to Fran and Bel. The princess looked almost identical to Bel, which was pretty shocking.

"Wow, Bel-sempai now has a twiny," Fran said. "Now you won't feel like you're forever alone Sempai." *Knives are thrown*

"Lucky for you Mr. Belphegor, you didn't have much body hair so you didn't have to get a waxing. But those chests need to be inflated a bit…"

* * *

><p><span>Proper Eating Etiquettes<span>

"…now, when you cut meat you hold your fork in your left hand and the knife in the right…Mr. Belphegor please hold your utensils correctly. Loosen your grip and hold the knife like this *shows*."

Bel adjusts.

"No, not like that. You're not here to kill someone Mr. Belphegor."

"Ushishishishi…"

"Bel-sempai, you look like a three-year-old having trouble eating his food."

*Knives are thrown*

"Excuse me Mr. Belphegor, but that isn't a proper eating etiquette."

* * *

><p><span>How to Greet Important People<span>

"When you greet important people Mr. Belphegor, you must start with the most important person first. Then you go down the line. Remember to shake their hands and give a good compliment. Flattery is good, especially for the ladies. Here, practice shaking hands with Mr. Fran."

"Ow Sempai, you're crushing my hand," Fran monotonely said. "You won't make friends that way Sempai…not that any would come to you."

*Knives*

* * *

><p><span>Giving Good Speeches<span>

"Now, you may not have to give a speech, but just in case, I'll teach you how to. First in your speech, properly address the important people. Then satisfy the citizens. Next…"

*Bel ignores*

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><p><span>Interaction with Children<span>

"Mr. Belphegor, this is an important skill you need to learn so I suggest you pay close attention. Interaction with the children of this country reflects well on the princess. It shows that the princess is loving and caring to her future citizens no matter what their status is. One way to interact with children is simple. You just talk with them. You, Mr. Belphegor, or to them you would be Princess Bella, must make sure you don't scare the children. Remember to smile, give out flowers, receive gifts, etc."

"Ushishishishi…"

"Sempai, that smile was creepy. You'd probably scare all the kids away with that smile…and break some mirrors."

*Knives*

*Sigh* "Another easy way to interact with the children is story-telling and singing. The story and song could be known ones, but made-up ones are good too. Made-up stories and songs show good imagination and ability. Why don't you try it right now? Tell me a story, a made-up one."

"Ushishishishi…Once upon a time there was a peasant. The peasant didn't listen to his prince's orders so he was sent to execution. There he was beheaded. The end."

O_o

"Bel-sempai, that was a terrible bed time story," Fran commented. "It wasn't long enough either."

"Shut up peasant."

"Um, maybe we should stick to reading from books Mr. Belphegor… Now let's see your singing skills. Try making-up a song. It could be short, long, simple, or emotional. You could even do a parody… Try it."

"Ushishishishi…hmm…_Bakka, bakka little Fran. How_ _I hate you, you little brat. I will stab you with a knife. Causing you some grief and strife. Bakka, bakka little Fran. How I hate you, you little brat (Parody of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star)_.

"Bel-sempai, I don't like that song."

"Shut up peasant. You wouldn't be able to do even that, but the prince can."

Helen sighed heavily.

And so the rest of the day went by with more training.

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><p><span>Day of the Big Event<span>

"…_and I would like to welcome Princess Bella to the Table of Honor…"_

*Clapping*

"Ushishishishi…"

O_O How did this end…you guessed it: Badly.

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><p><strong>How was this chapter? Good, bad, so-so? Tell me by reviewing! (For this chapter, I kinda added a little more plot just cause I felt like it).<br>Oh yea, thank you to those readers who reviewed for me. It really helps! I like live off of the reviews. It helps me get ideas and the comments really encourage and help me. Thanks guys!  
>If you have any suggestions or questions, just put it into your review or PM me. For suggestions, anything will do. Random phrases, words, I don't mind. I'll somehow relate to it or connect it and add it to my story...somehow...Thanks for reading! <strong>


	15. What if Mammon Viper

**A.N.-**** Heys again peoples, sorry for the late chapter again...yeah, I need more inspiration, but here's one that I made from some fan-suggested words/phrases. And I would like to dedicate this chapter to Tsu-kun Forever...HAPPY BERFDAY!**

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><p><strong>What If…<strong>

Mammon (Viper) was the creepy, mysterious dude down the street who lived in a "haunted mansion" and that everyone was afraid of?

Three boys were playing by the corner of Gust Street and Fog Street on a dark and cloudy afternoon. A strong wind was starting to pick up and it seemed as though it would be raining soon. One boy, who looked around the age of 14, was playing baseball with his two other friends who looked around 13 and 14 years old. One boy, age 14, had blonde hair and blue eyes. He had a lean-ish build and he was holding a baseball bat in his hand. The second boy, also age 14, had sandy hair with light freckles on his face. There in the center of the backyard, he stood on the pitcher's mound to pitch the ball. The umpire, who was the 13 year old boy, had dark mahogany hair. In his left hand was a mitt and he also wore a mask. Knees slightly bent, the 13 year old boy stood ready to catch the ball.

"Ok Matt, I'm pitching," said the sandy haired boy to the blonde haired boy named Matt.

"Bring it," Matt confidently said.

"You ready Dan?" the sandy haired boy called to the mahogany haired boy named Dan.

"Yeah Nick, just pitch will ya?"

The sandy haired boy, Nick snorted. Then doing his form, Nick pitched a curve ball at Matt who stood ready with his bat. _*Clang* _Matt's bat hit the ball dead on and the ball was flung far and high into the air. All the boys craned their necks to see where it would land.

"Aw shit," Matt muttered as he saw the ball go past his backyard and past some of his neighbors' yards.

Nick groaned. "Now we'll have to go retrieve it from the neighbors…they won't be so glad…"

"Let's just hope it doesn't damage property," Dan remarked. _*Smash…Shatter*_ "Ah…we may be too late to prevent damage."

"Oh. My. God." Nick said, gaping. The baseball had shattered through the second floor window of a large, dark mansion down Fog Street. "The baseball just smashed into that dude Mammon's place…let's go get another baseball…"

"No!" Matt said. "That baseball was signed by one of my favorite baseball players! I can't just abandon it!"

"Ugh, but that baseball went into Mammon's house!" Nick groaned. All the kids and adults knew about the person named Mammon who lived down the street. Some people say that he's an old man who never comes out of his mansion, and others say that he was a young man who was wicked-hearted. Anyone who goes in, comes out frightened to death.

"Aw, it's probably not that bad, after all, people _do_ exaggerate a bit on things…" Matt assured.

Nick sighed. "Fine."

Dan looked up at the sky. "I think we should hurry before it rains." Then glancing back at Mammon's mansion he shuddered.

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><p>Before them stood the great mansion that Mammon lived in. It was large and old, and its features were dark.<p>

"Let's go and knock on the door," Matt said a bit nervously. The three boys nodded and walked up the path to the double mahogany doors. _*Knock, knock, knock…*_ "Um, hello Mr. Mammon," Matt started, "Sorry about the baseball, but can we have it back please?" The three waited for a reply, but none came. Just as they were about to think no one was going to answer, the double doors slowly swung open.

"I think we have to go in," Dan squeaked.

Nick gulped. "Maybe we should turn around…"

"No!" Matt firmly said. Then squinting into the dark house he stepped in. Nick and Dan glanced at each other and followed.

Entering the inside of Mammon's mansion, the three boys looked around at the interior of the home. "Wow, it's like one of those old fashion homes…" Dan commented.

Matt gazed around, his eyes scanning his surroundings. "Let's go upstairs and get my baseball." Spotting a staircase, Matt led the two boys upstairs. The three of them warily looked out for anything and the stuck close together.

"Why are you brats in my house?" said a voice from somewhere. The three boys stiffened in fright as they heard this.

"Uh…we're just here to retrieve my baseball…" Matt said with a slight squeak.

"Hn~" the voice muttered. "You know you broke my window right? That'll cost money to fix…"

"Umm…I don't have money…" Matt replied.

"Then it'll cost you…" Mammon said.

"Wha—" Matt started, but was cut off by many horrible sights.

Mammon, using his illusions, made many hideous things (of course the three boys didn't understand the concept of illusions). Mammon turned into a golem, a witch, a hellhound, a hydra, a disfigured walking corpse, a gigantic spider with hideous teeth, Justin Bieber…

The three boys yelled, screamed like girls, ran in circles…they were in mayhem. Matt and Dan were in hysteria, but were able to escape the mansion…leaving Nick behind. Nick shrank in fear as he saw Mammon's illusion advance on him.

"I'm too young to die," he wimpered.

"Hn~" Mammon said, "And I'm too busy to deal with pests like you." Mammon's final illusion was of a gigantic fox with a blue mask…named Swiper…from Dora the Explorer.

For a moment, Nick facial expression was this: -_- but soon he was back to cowering in a corner. Swiper opened his muzzle to show his sharp, long teeth. Swiper advanced on Nick, flashing his claws. _Oh gosh what do I do…wait! _Nick opened his mouth and yelled to Swiper, "NOOOOO! SWIPER NO SWIPING, SWIPER NO SWIPING, SWIPER NO SWIPING!"

Swiper stopped for a moment then flashed his claws. Opening his muzzle he said, "The hell I care!"

Nick ran out of the mansion in a flurry after hearing that. Screaming like a girl at the top of his lungs he screamed, "SWIPER SWIPED!"

Mammon's illusion finally ended. "Hn, how bothersome…" Picking up the baseball that had broken through his window, Mammon smirked. "They didn't even pay for the damage…" _*Throw*_ Mammon threw the baseball out the window…right into Matt's home window. _*Shatter*_ "Now we're even."

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><p><strong>Nyan~ Review plz~~~~ (Oh yea, just in case any of my fans are Justin Bieber fans, I'm sorry...but it was irresistable~^-^)<strong>


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